Kind of funny, a few days after I wrote the last blog I had strong dreams of going home- you just never know what the next day is going to bring. One day you will love being in a foreign culture, working a language that you really dont know so well (and even laugh with yourself about it); but maybe the next day you long for understadning of the language and are made to feel badly that you cant understand and a big part of what you want in your heart is to be at home. But I think the glimmer of hope there though is that its only a big part its not my entire heart.

I feel like I want a place to retreat, a place where I can release. I'm not sure what I need to release what Im holding so muchly inside of myself but I feel weight from my thoughts from the sights from understanding from lack of understanding. only a few more days and I will journey to a week in nepal, hopes of retreat/clear vision happening there

Kolkata has been an especially busy place as weve had visitors coming in and out of our home the past few weeks, and just a lot of things to do during the week. language class, SB training, going to visit the red light area, finishing some school projects to turn in this week.

Today were going again, like every week to visit with the girls. To shake their hands, give them a smile a hello and maybe some small conversation. Its hard to see them standing there waiting for customers. I think i'm beginning to internalize why its important for us to go there- maybe just for those few moments we can talk with them they will catch a glipmse of who they really are rather than what their society tells them they are. they are not what they do. they are significant women who deserve to be valued. pray for them, some of them are my age some of them are younger. forced to live a life that no one should have to live

Written Sunday

Me: “no, not really”
Friend: “really, youre not ready?”

I miss it but I’m not ready to be back yet, it’s not time. There’s so much learning to happen in the coming 3 months; and the things that I’ve learned so far, I’m not sure their full circle yet, meaning I know I’ve begun to understand some things but I feel incomplete and in waiting. And that’s ok. Sure I miss my friends, I miss my home yet I take joy in this time because of the living God is walking me through here

Now I will say that I have a lot of questions I don’t have answers too. Partly because I’m not sure there’s an answer that can really be given for them. But its through asking these questions and admitting my ignorance and confusion that God is teaching.

I think last week was the busiest week of my life. SB M,T,W,F to lead alternating classes of math and literacy; what a good idea language study was/is. Two nights a week I am still attending language class, one for conversation and the other for Bangla script (which is crazy but I’m starting to enjoy it as I can sometimes read signs around the city!). I’ve been privileged to begin teaching a devotion class once a week with the leadership staff – I give a short devotion and then we talk about what engaged them, maybe an illustration/question/asking them to participate…etc. It’s exciting for me to teach them as they’re so excited to receive from me. They’ve been super encouraging after we meet together for the class- I’m excited for them to think about engaging the ladies a bit more as they lead morning devotion

This week we started a weekly English class for the leadership staff (just 4 people). Since then one of the staff members has felt freer in asking me questions about their English grammar so I too have felt freer in asking Bangla questions. I told them after our first class that now they had to speak in English all the time to me; but that’s hard because I have to speak in Bangla to them, or need to to practice anyway. So usually English but I throw in some Bangla phrases here and there. Two of the girls try to speak in Bangla to me but I usually only catch some words, they speak so quickly. It makes for a fun work place

I walked home from the metro a few nights ago in the drizzling rain as I couldn’t get an auto, I ended up walking next to a rickshaw. For a while I tried to keep the pace with him as he pulled a man and his daughter down my street. He kept a fast pace as he pulled them barefoot. Im amazed at the strength of these men; their physical appearance doesn’t say that they could muster that much strength. The livelihood here has not yet ceased to take my interest

Pandles are being built all over the city- large structures built to resemble and honor the gods/goddnesses of Hinduism. Durga Puja is nearing. There have been some smaller ones happening – its interesting to watch from the veranda
It makes me really sad; it confuses me.

As you pray, please remember SB and our search for space. We are in the process of getting a place possibly…
Pray for the new ladies at SB, they’re still trying to find their places there I think
I’ve had a struggle this week: I have mixed up feelings about coming here and spending six months bonding with these amazing women and then just taking off for home. I understand what my time here is, but I’m afraid they don’t/won’t and I’m not sure how to communicate it well so they will.
A praise that I will just voice: God’s really blessed me in being able to communicate often with my family and friends back home
It’s been encouraging to know the many of you are praying for me, God’s given me strength in this in times when it’s been difficult to be here

In Jesus I leave you