home again home again

my fingers are cold but im sitting near the fire, much different than the heat of kolkata - this heat i enjoy. my hand is quickly fading to orange as the henna stain leaves my palm but my fingertips seem to be enjoying the deep dye that happened to them just over a week ago.

I fear i'm forgetting bangla as i dont have anyone to speak with, who can answer me anyway. i don't think i can forget yet, but i fear it will come and then what will i tell the sb ladies when i see them again...

im so glad not to have found severe culture shock coming back, its only feelings of frustration as i hear commercial after commercial on the radio as i try to enjoy the christmas music; i dont need a haircut at great clips even if it is 5.99 , my mom gave me one for free. im loving being with my family, im loving being in my home. it is wonderful seeing faces i havent seen in some time and hearing how life has been

in kolkata i got to be a part of offering and giving freedom to women. the freedom is in offering them another job, a job of sewing at our business. they are given another option. as we visited (and as my friends continue to visit) the lanes and rooms to talk with the girls, we gave what we had, acceptance friendship and hope. i got to know some of the individuals giving themselves to the restoring of these women - beautiful people

So I'm coming home tomorrow ( for most of you it would actually in two days, but not for me ) I've been waiting for this for some time now, a little over six months minus weeks here and there and now that it's here, I've had trouble really deciding really what all to think. Leaving a warm, suffering Kolkata still in need of so much redemption. I'm asked if I'll return and I answer right now only He knows what the next will be come May.

I had a sweet time departing with the SB ladies Thursday after spending some time away from them for a few days as I went about the city. I didn't do any work, I sat and watched the trainees in their Bangla class and occasionally caused disruption as I took pictures of them during class. We had a small party during our evening cha (tea) time - giving sweets and fried treasures as we sat around enjoying one another's fellowship that will not be again at least for some time. They gave me a card in Bangla script that I tried to read but really couldn't - they laughed and gave it to one of the ladies' sons to read it out loud for all of us.

In the last hours I have just a bit of packing, a cha time to enjoy with our neighbors downstairs, chicken burgers to make with my roommates, and probably a fast taxi drive to the airport. Then, I'll be seeing you

I didnt really expect the time of closure to start a month before i was going home but what to do. my professor has come and gone and with his leave he set in some kind of closure of my time here. it was great to have him around, someone to walk the streets of kolkata with me and look into what life has been like for me here it was funny for him to assure me of things that are not "normal" for us in the states that i may have forgotten as ive spent life here kind of cool to be shown how ive settled into the culture a bit after a few months of living

the ladies are asking if im really going in a month and asking if ill return ... i give them the truest answer i know but its still unsatisfying. i have no idea if ill return to this place, its a possibility. little specific direction as to what will happen after i graduate in a few months but something will surface in the months ahead right now it seems pretty open

continuing to teach the classes at sb of bangla and math, its fun to hang out with the ladies; to see their learning, to see them challenged and conquering a challenge. i really want to learn how to do what theyre doing though, i dont envy that they sit hunched over a blanket half-all day sewing on the floor, but i have these real urges to learn to sew like they have learned. i want to sit there over my blanket in the flexible indian squat, hand stitching something beautiful out of old saris. one of the training ladies said she would teach me earlier this week ... but then it was tea time and it took our moments of free time and our thoughts of her teaching me disappeared until it couldnt happen that day. boo. i still like watching them though, they are excellent sewers. not only the ladies on blankets, the ladies on bags too. such a cool skill

It's easy to find myself lost in the busyness of life here; home never leaves my mind but I find myself separated from home in that I can never give enough of myself to stay present in life there. I have to tell myself it's okay as I'm not there and as I continue to pray for the ability to be present where I am.

A few clips of mind:
(written today) >
I've realized this week what a hard ministry they're doing here. The reality of the women we are in relationship with can not be put into words but can only be heard through a stream of tears that you sometimes have trouble stopping; yet at some point the freedom is there to step away from the tears, for us and for them, as we look at the redemption they are given. It can be hard to step away from the sadness that fills my insides, but I don't think we're always asked to.

(written two days ago) >
It smells of incense as I go to refill my glass with water in the kitchen taking a break from the case study reflection that I write on this early puja holiday evening. I walk out on the veranda – smelling incense yet, watching a firework light up the sky, watching the shadows of sparklers on rooftops and flashing Christmas lights spread over the city – a smoke hovers on the horizon from the festivities of today and yesterday, waiting for the rest that will come in the hours ahead And her voice is still going but this time its not singing, it only mumbles to me a foreigner something not understandable. and the drums continue the festival music as the offerings proceed in another October.

(Writing now) >
Puja season here, but I'm beginning to wonder when its not. As I was walking to and fro the metro last evening traveling to language class, I wondered what this city would like if it worshipped Jesus. And I was struck at what a sight it would really be ... if you could only see the way these people worship Kali, Durga, and Dewali And I wondered what it would be like if we chose to worship Jesus in the way that they worship these Hindu goddesses, what if we constructed magnificent structures for the worship of God and danced around them playing our drums, moving ourselves to the beat of our brothers and sisters playing music for Jesus; and this is spread all over the city, one here one there ... another just a ways down the street. what if we paraded through the streets dancing to a beat for Jesus and we weren't shy to let the city know it. it would be awesome. in a way it would be a direct opposition to the worship these deceivers receive from a people they have blinded

into marvelous light we run

i thought coming back to kolkata i would be refreshed for more than one day; i had hoped though i wasnt fully convinced this would be reality. But what a beautiful day Monday was, even though the evening was hard. What joy filled my heart to be back in my home, to be back with the ladies at sb who bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. one of the training ladies in particular often makes me laugh from the bottom of my stomach - she has much trouble hearing so it takes a lot to get her attention during class. she has an awesome sense of humor on top of that so often does things intentionally to get a laugh. she speaks hindi instead of bangla so often does hand motions to try to talk to me... oh its so funny. she brought me mishtis on monday (sweets) in honor of the holiday last week.

ive had a hard last few days. my eyes can not stop seeing that girl on her bed - she doesnt just represent herself but a vast amount of girls who have been thrown into a similar situation. her life has been taken from her, an expression of numbness i see in her face at what she has been forced to live. ive thought a lot lately about the relationship of suffering to redemption but i cant stop my own questions of why this suffering is necessary. how can this be happening. why is it okay; permitted by so many people that it is happening. she deserves her freedom just as much as i. it was really hard to go but something has to be done - someone has to enter in. i wish i could give her her freedom.

we sang a song this evening at a friend's house after dinner that spoke of the redemption we have found in Christ, how were running out of the darkness into the light of Jesus. it was a song we ended thinking of the girls who are suffering- that even though there's so much darkness we are running toward the light. i think what were told to do with suffering, hardship - endure by continually running back to the light

its really hard to be here - to be here i am asked to give parts of myself that i dont want to give, that i feel like i shouldnt have to give. but people here have to give them or they have to give more

i almost partook in a puja today - because the big fesival just happened, the time has come for the goddess to be taken to the river. there were two of the same goddess in the room because she had not yet been taken to the river and the old one was going to get the worship - the holy man came in and set everything up, removing dishes from its small platform and setting up his things - always a bell, always a horn, an incense stick. we left before he began i was so relieved

its so awesome when i can speak with people and so disappointing when i cant understand - id like to say it comes and goes with the wind because this is how it feels. one conversation: no problem. another conversation i imagine people want to ask: 'are you sure youre learning bengali?"

please continue to pray over my time here, it is still sometimes very hard. i dont know if i mentioned before but we secured the building to open another branch of sb! this is beautiful as it is in the same place where we visit women now - better opportunity for them to come work. the leadership staff of sb are amazing, it has been so encouraging to work with them in devotion class and english class. please pray for them as they seek to know Jesus more and take over more responsibility of sb

sending much love from kolkata and thanks for your faithfulness to jesus

this nepal air is making my toes cold, all i would have to do is walk to the other room to get my socks but i havent done that, i keep thinking just a few more minutes and ill be done here. i am on a break here, just taking some time out of ktown and have been blessed to spend my time with the wmf community here. they received me from the airport and have hosted me all week, introducing me to their children's home and home for older women who are widows. the national staff has been very loving. each of them has fed me a wonderful meal and so invited me into their homes just to share life with each other. a few of the staff speak english very well so there hasnt been strain in communicating the north american staff has been awesome as well- included me in all their activities in the week, opened their home to me, and lives as we share from our hearts what God has been doing in our lives to bring us where we are now

i head back to kolkata on sunday to start up a new week the next day. catch up with the ladies at sb after their week long holday thanks to the durga puja festival - maybe the time off will have improved/refreshed my bangla speaking skills though i havent taken time to study in these days as a truly good student would. what to do.

a short post only to say there is much to think about, much that goes unresolved even with my disapproval it doesnt seem to matter -- apparently it is not the time for resolve. it is only time to live so that is what i will continue to do. live.

Kind of funny, a few days after I wrote the last blog I had strong dreams of going home- you just never know what the next day is going to bring. One day you will love being in a foreign culture, working a language that you really dont know so well (and even laugh with yourself about it); but maybe the next day you long for understadning of the language and are made to feel badly that you cant understand and a big part of what you want in your heart is to be at home. But I think the glimmer of hope there though is that its only a big part its not my entire heart.

I feel like I want a place to retreat, a place where I can release. I'm not sure what I need to release what Im holding so muchly inside of myself but I feel weight from my thoughts from the sights from understanding from lack of understanding. only a few more days and I will journey to a week in nepal, hopes of retreat/clear vision happening there

Kolkata has been an especially busy place as weve had visitors coming in and out of our home the past few weeks, and just a lot of things to do during the week. language class, SB training, going to visit the red light area, finishing some school projects to turn in this week.

Today were going again, like every week to visit with the girls. To shake their hands, give them a smile a hello and maybe some small conversation. Its hard to see them standing there waiting for customers. I think i'm beginning to internalize why its important for us to go there- maybe just for those few moments we can talk with them they will catch a glipmse of who they really are rather than what their society tells them they are. they are not what they do. they are significant women who deserve to be valued. pray for them, some of them are my age some of them are younger. forced to live a life that no one should have to live

Written Sunday

Me: “no, not really”
Friend: “really, youre not ready?”

I miss it but I’m not ready to be back yet, it’s not time. There’s so much learning to happen in the coming 3 months; and the things that I’ve learned so far, I’m not sure their full circle yet, meaning I know I’ve begun to understand some things but I feel incomplete and in waiting. And that’s ok. Sure I miss my friends, I miss my home yet I take joy in this time because of the living God is walking me through here

Now I will say that I have a lot of questions I don’t have answers too. Partly because I’m not sure there’s an answer that can really be given for them. But its through asking these questions and admitting my ignorance and confusion that God is teaching.

I think last week was the busiest week of my life. SB M,T,W,F to lead alternating classes of math and literacy; what a good idea language study was/is. Two nights a week I am still attending language class, one for conversation and the other for Bangla script (which is crazy but I’m starting to enjoy it as I can sometimes read signs around the city!). I’ve been privileged to begin teaching a devotion class once a week with the leadership staff – I give a short devotion and then we talk about what engaged them, maybe an illustration/question/asking them to participate…etc. It’s exciting for me to teach them as they’re so excited to receive from me. They’ve been super encouraging after we meet together for the class- I’m excited for them to think about engaging the ladies a bit more as they lead morning devotion

This week we started a weekly English class for the leadership staff (just 4 people). Since then one of the staff members has felt freer in asking me questions about their English grammar so I too have felt freer in asking Bangla questions. I told them after our first class that now they had to speak in English all the time to me; but that’s hard because I have to speak in Bangla to them, or need to to practice anyway. So usually English but I throw in some Bangla phrases here and there. Two of the girls try to speak in Bangla to me but I usually only catch some words, they speak so quickly. It makes for a fun work place

I walked home from the metro a few nights ago in the drizzling rain as I couldn’t get an auto, I ended up walking next to a rickshaw. For a while I tried to keep the pace with him as he pulled a man and his daughter down my street. He kept a fast pace as he pulled them barefoot. Im amazed at the strength of these men; their physical appearance doesn’t say that they could muster that much strength. The livelihood here has not yet ceased to take my interest

Pandles are being built all over the city- large structures built to resemble and honor the gods/goddnesses of Hinduism. Durga Puja is nearing. There have been some smaller ones happening – its interesting to watch from the veranda
It makes me really sad; it confuses me.

As you pray, please remember SB and our search for space. We are in the process of getting a place possibly…
Pray for the new ladies at SB, they’re still trying to find their places there I think
I’ve had a struggle this week: I have mixed up feelings about coming here and spending six months bonding with these amazing women and then just taking off for home. I understand what my time here is, but I’m afraid they don’t/won’t and I’m not sure how to communicate it well so they will.
A praise that I will just voice: God’s really blessed me in being able to communicate often with my family and friends back home
It’s been encouraging to know the many of you are praying for me, God’s given me strength in this in times when it’s been difficult to be here

In Jesus I leave you

I love little kids, little bundles of natural joy; whether it be the little one tapping his foot beside the pastor in worship this morning or the little one holding my hand as I return to the metro, walking barefoot beside me along with his two older sisters.

Kolkata is a place full of unexpectancy, at least for me. But it’s a place that is teaching me freedom, that is teaching me patience (when I let it), and what it looks like to love.

I woke up in the middle of the night to an unpleasant crawly feeling, only to find myself a few moments later slapping the ground with my worn old navy flip flop. I stepped back to inspect the death and scooped him into my plastic garbage sack, sitting down on my bed to catch my breath and the reality that was happening to me at 3am. A minute later another one appears as a twist in my stomach propels me again toward my flipflop, my mind asking how im ever going to get back to sleep after this. It was a baffling comfort to find that this guy was the same one I had just smacked- he had hopped out of the garbage and was crawling around on the floor almost like before, I guess I didnt smack him hard enough those first 3 times. Praise God once again for Bangladesh, it made me a stronger girl.

Im spending my days at SB, helping with training classes; exercising my Bangla in math and literacy instructions with the aid of a friend who translates my broken sometimes confusing Bangla so it makes sense. It is such a blessing that she is willing to let me try to explain it even though half of the ladies are confused with my explanations, I imagine its probably funny and a little silly to them—my attempt to speak. They are not shy in trying to converse with me during the day, but I usually can’t understand. I don’t think the training ladies have me quite figured out yet when it comes to language…

We’re praying for space now at SB. We have one building but have pretty much outgrown it (awesome!!). In the mornings we have no room to work because we just started a new group of ladies in training. There’s no space to cut rolls, chalk bags – basically get new materials ready for the ladies to sew and there are just a lot of people in those four rooms. I also ask you to pray for these women in their relationship with Jesus. Some of them are believers but still practice another faith. It’s awesome that they’ve come to know Jesus and that they’re praying to Him, beautiful really. But I really just want us to pray that they may be freed from the bonds of Hinduism through further realization of who Jesus is. Maybe this could even be through devotions at SB… pray for these ladies to be fed from the Word.

In about a week I’ll be helping facilitate devotions, meeting with the national leadership staff of SB. We’ll meet once a week to try and explore ways they can be interactive in morning devos and stir the ladies thoughts a bit more. I will make a plan of Scriptures, topics, etc. from month to month and continue the rotation of devotion leaders. This is one of the ways I will practice leadership in my time here so please remember this as you pray.

Im still working on understanding the red light areas of our world. For now Im just praying hard for the girls and guys that are bound in it (yes there are men as well). I have trouble seeing justice here, I’d like to have trouble seeing God here but he says he’s there, he says he’s the bringer of justice, that he’s a refuge. Something I can’t understand here—I haven’t lived in that kind of bondage, a place where I had no way out or no choice.

I’m really grateful we are praying together, thanks for committing to the journey.

I am evergreen

It is not just that I want to be, but I am. Sometimes the snow is cold and uncomfortable, but it sure is beautiful. Even though I lay now on the ground, one day I will be put back in the position I was created in; put there to sink my roots deep down into my Creator, deeper than I ever could before.

Jesus doesn’t just tell me to go, he tells me to be willing. Jesus doesn’t say I’ll let you slide this time, he says he has endless compassion and love and mercy for me in my messups and hard heart. It’s not what I do but who I’m about. It’s never finished, even when He restores me in the end He still wants my heart. The truth is better even if my words are hard; He knows my true feelings anyway.

He really is strength, He really is always with me, He really is teaching me so that I can know Him more.

What a special gift to us, that God would want to teach us. At small group last week, there was a beautiful prayer offered that praised God for His goodness in trusting us to undertake challenges and endure them. It was one of the most pure prayers I think I have heard.

God is ever drawing us after Him. We need only to seek Him and then follow; in this all is found to be and truly is well.

I have an awesome photo on my desktop of my sister and I baking in the sun… we tried to pose in such a way as to demonstrate the scorching heat of the noon sun. That last day in the States was amazingly warm, and I must say I really value the “tan factor” to the U.S. sunrays. Here you find heat, you find sun, you can sometimes look at your feet and nearly convince yourself that you’ve begun an Indian tan (but at the end of the day you find you only needed to scrub your feet)—but the tan does not happen, disappointing really. I had high hopes of returning in the mid of winter with my own bronze glow; even if it was only my face, arms, and feet; I would take it.

I have made it home to Kolkata; its been a week since we left Bangladesh. The week back was really good, some hard places but overall really good. The ladies at SB were impressed with my Bangla speaking and I must say it was really great being able to talk more with them; to not only work alongside them in bag production but to be able to company with them during the day was wonderful. I didn’t feel like I learned much in Bangladesh but coming back I realize it helped so much just for my basic conversation ability. I mess up all the time with person tenses and conjugating my verbs but I usually get a good laugh in at myself as I remember way after the fact… and think to myself “that person is so confused right now.” One of the ladies’ sons showed up at SB to see his mom but I didn’t know who he was, so before I opened the door I tried to ask him if his mom worked there, but instead I told him my mom worked there as I opened the door….. I still trying to find solid ways to learn this language. Talking with people is great, but I can only say and comprehend so much. But homemade flashcards and writing sentences really isn’t thrilling for more than 10 minutes, and sometimes not even that. Brainstorming needs to happen.

I have huge respect for these girls I am working with—with the ministry. They all speak great Bangla; but it’s such a huge undertaking to learn a language thoroughly enough where you can speak and interact with others while at ease; where you can joke with them. This language… it’s a different vocabulary of course; but the setup of the language is different. It’s passive and from my observations tends to take a positive language to even negative circumstances. And the structure of a sentence is different: verb is always at the end, the word ‘with’ and ‘for’ always follow after what you’re referring to… it can take a while to come up with a grammatically correct sentence.

Even with a little more language I often have pangs inside of me that stem from a deep desire to be able to communicate with the ladies here. I want to talk with them, I want to know their lives—what have they experienced and what are their responses? I wished I could follow home the mother and son after they step off the auto, just to see what their life is like; their home. Life here is so different than what it is for me back home.

Today I’m grateful for community, for rest, for my own home and space. I’m grateful that God brought me to India for this chunk of time.

laughing through the muddy water

aj brishti hoyechi :: today rain happened. I tried to tiptoe my way back down the streets after I had finished lunch, I suppose hoping I might arrive with dry pants. As I was soon in the middle of the street dodging the puddles of water that had collected on my side of the road and cars were honking at me and the bike rickshaw was ringing his bell as he rode up behind me I realized the best scenario was just to give in. So I laughed with myself and stepped intentionally into the murky water as I felt the eyes of others question my smile and action. The rains made for a nice walk around the city; everyone seemed preoccupied with the water so I could walk in peace for the first time and even took some photos.

I realized today I really like my language teacher; she is teaching us a lot about Bangla and being so patient and encouraging. She learned that it helps me to have words of assurance and confirmation as I try to speak a new language. Today we even spoke in Bangla on our break, I was asking her about the food she eats in the evenings with her family; so she can probably tell I am getting a little more comfortable with speaking. I am still far from being fluent but it is encouraging to have some ability to speak and understand bsaic conversation. I am reminding myself that this is something that takes time, it will continue to be a main focus of mine as I live here in Asia.

It is still quite surreal, southern asia. Sometimes I enjoy life here, love the idea of this being my life. Other days, I feel totally out of place and clueless as to what I'm doing. Why did I venture halfway across the world? I find these cities i've been in hard places to live as daily im asked to give part of myself to another. and its frustrating because you feel like someone should be able to find some kind of job, they should choose to approach someone else and not just me because I have a lighter color of skin and clearly am from out of town, i can feel taken advantage of, used. but then i think of Christ. I think of Paul's words to consider others better than myself. and i ask myself why i have to be so selfish. and i hate realizeing this about myself because it forces me to look at how far I really am from imitating Jesus. Jesus called me to a life that isnt supposed to be about me...

oh the sweet music you find in bangladeshi internet cafes...

i dont like writing here because i watch the clock, paying to use the computer even though its cheap... i prefer free with no self time restraints. and its always... what do i write?? so i will try to give some key experiences of since i wrote last

first day in bangladesh, the 3 of us ate in a small restaurant on the main road. i was a little apprehensive, but didnt want to be the one to say anything...SO i said nothing except for yeah this is fine. so we ate a tasty meal. a few days later we found ourselves really sick; being the intern, i got to go to the bangladeshi doctor to be diagnosed with a stomach infection. but we now know that same doctor has an antidote for snake venom (there was a sign), just in case. i really hope we dont encounter any more of these infections, i think one is enough. we are still recovering from this, im feling pretty good right now; a little tired but not sick!

we decided we wanted to go out saturday even though none of us were feeling so hot, we needed out of the building. inbetween destinations, the rains came. i was the only one of us with an umbrella, but you cant run with 3 people under an umbrella, i couldnt even run under the umbrella because i had to hold up my pants as i ran- now that im thinking about it im not sure why i wanted to sacrifice my whole self to get wet for the bottom of my pants but... so we ran to another road to get a taxi- an auto, a small motorized vehicle that normally can fit 3 people no problem, but this one was small; and we barely fit but we fit. im sure it was a site seeing 3 bideshis caught in the monsoon, trying to huddle under an umbrlla at one point and then piling into an auto. the water only came up a few inches but it was pouring, theres the first experience with monsoon bangladesh. more to come

language class is going, its not overly thrilling but i am learning. its kind of frustrating though because i have to try and conjugate and order words in my head now instead of just speaking and hoping i make sense, it takes so much longer to say something to someone. hopefully things will piece together, it would be good if i found some people to speak with so i could practice and not just flip my flashcards. im trying to remember how helpful this studying will be once i am back in kolkata, oh to speak!

similar scenes are found in dhaka as kolkata... beggars, kids coming and asking for food. on our way down the street here we were gathered around by a group of sweet children, beatufiul kids asking us for food. weve been talking about how we should respond in these situations, it seems isnt always the best solution as more people just come to you asking for food or money. some people too have a living built off of begging. its hard to know what to do, but as the kids came up to us today we just tried to say hello and express love for that moment we were with them. i asked what their names were , i couldnt say much more and im not sure what i would have said even if i spoke the language. we told them we werent buying them food, but they still asked. but she did seem to really like telling me her name and her friends names.one little girl was kissing my hand, i just squeezed her hand and smiled at her.

please pray that i would be encouraged in my time here in bangladesh, it is sometimes hard to be away from my family, from home. please keep praying for the language, that i would study diligently and gain from the materials/classes. and please start praying for the role that awaits me once i return to kolkata, details are still settling but i need courage for the leadership/planning that awaits me.

Lots of rice, lots and lots of rice. And some tea. At least twice a day. But I learned today, that if you add a little instant coffe mix the tea drinking experience rises to a whole new level. It is a luxury that I have come to experience here in B-desh at the language classes I am attending. Today was the first class, a little discouraging in the middle as I felt like I knew nothing (because I dont) but I tried to remind myself that it was my first official day. I have yet to study the things we learned in class but need to do so before tomorrow. Class is every day of the week for 4 hours so that will be my focus for the next month. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity and i really hope that it enables me to conversation once I am back in ktown. i really hope for deep conversations, but i will stay practical at least on here and aim for standard communication/conversation.

It was a little hard to leave k-town as it was just becoming familiar to me; but now that im out i realize it is good. i will be ready to return once the time comes. i am a little nervous about my new friends at the daycare that they will forget their auntie, but I suppose I should just wait and hope not. they are sweet sweet little kids and i have grown a love for several of them. i wont have a ton of time when i get back to spend with them but i hope to go visit them during some free times.

Today I am wearing my red,green, and yellow tye-dyed salwar suit for the first time and though it sounds bit exotic, i blend it quite well here. as far as clothes go anyway. it's fairly comfortable as well. balloony drawstring pants, a long top and a dupatta (scarf) draped around my neck which comes in handy for wiping my face in response to humidity. it's not quite as warm here as it has been in ktown but this is our first day here so i will have a better idea later. we are in prime time for monsoon action and dhaka doesnt have great drainage systems so i may have some excitment awaiting me in the next month. im glad ive had time to think about this reality though, it has definately helped me get more comfortable with the idea.

So tonight i will study bangla, as well as many more nights to come in the next months. I think this time in bangladesh could serve as good reflection/thinking time as well. I struggled getting hold of that in kolkata; i really didnt let myself actually. The city is so busy it is easy to get caught up in it. you have to create space for reflection, for prayer. And so much of what I have seen I have trouble thinking about because I dont know waht to do with it. What do you do when a lady comes alongside you places her hand on your shoulder with a baby on her hip and asks you for some money? waht do you do knowing the reality of girls your own age and younger are being worked as prostitutes just a few blocks from where youre sitting so that they can eat? even women who are older. its hard thinking. yet we have seen the redemption of some of these women's lives through businesses like SB working in the Red Light District. and it really is a beautiful thing, these ladies I have met are beautiful. you would never know the lives they have had to live to get to where they are now. Some of them have even come to know the freedom of Christ, I hope many more will.

Eating with your fingers

Each time it rains a lot I notice a fear in my mind, I wonder if it is time for the monsoon flooding; and I wonder how I will react to the wading through water sometimes past my knees. Although I’m sure it is something you come accustomed to with some time and encouragement from those who’ve done it many times. I’m not totally clear on it, but it could be that only certain streets are affected by the monsoon waters, streets that have poor draining systems.

Yesterday was fun at SB, I helped check bags – clipped threads hanging on the bags and packaged a few. I had a wonderful assistant, a daughter of one of the ladies who must be about 8. She kept talking to me and I would try to listen for words that I knew, but most of the time I had very little idea what she was saying. I just kept smiling, nodding, saying “hyaN” which means yes. I did try to ask questions about her words but she looked at me like I was confusing. I found out yesterday that she is very ticklish and she loves to play. I wondered if we were going to get in trouble as I chased her around the small workplace.

Yesterday we ate two very nice, big meals. Mutton and rice for lunch (lamb) and for dinner out for a SB staff’s birthday (and friend) where we had several unique chicken sauce dishes, with rice, and roti (bread). It was truly amazing, but we were so full! At Bengali birthdays each person at the table says something encouraging to the one having the birthday. What a great tradition.

I’ve traveled around the city on my own a bit this week. I got lost almost every time I went somewhere new, I recognized a lot of streets they just weren’t the ones I needed to be taking for the particular destination I wanted to reach. But it was a good learning experience. At times I became a little flustered, but it’s this whole grace thing you have to give yourself and just keep telling yourself it’s really okay. So you take a wrong turn and can’t find the coffee shop after 15 minutes of walking from the metro, now I know the right road to take and somewhat of the shops found on the other roads. Though I must say I would rather not have been lost. I would say that I would have preferred not to be alone as well, but there is something in being alone. I’m not sure what it is, a freedom, a confidence that I am forced to have so people think I know what I’m doing (even though they may see me walk past their booth 2 or 3 times looking for my destination… hah that was embarrassing).

In addition to working at SB, I have gotten to go to a children’s daycare and help out a few hours in the afternoon. The kids are sweet, and the ladies working there are kind. The kids are beginning to get used to me, at one point I had two kids crying just because I was in the same room with them; honestly maybe my skin color… that was a sad time. But the older ones talk with me and play. The eldest girl, maybe 10 was helping me write my Bengali letters.

A week from today we leave for Bangladesh, intensive language study. I am going with two staff members of the ministry; I will study for about a month and return to India for further ministry learning and leading. Please pray for my language learning, I am excited to learn more. I just hope I can pick it up fairly quickly, I would love to communicate with the ladies at SB and at the daycare- and there are further benefits of speaking and with anyone in the city and hearing their lives if I only knew Bengali.

Please pray for the staff here, the ministry. They go all day every day of the week; they have a passion for the work they are doing in the city. They want to see more women offered freedom, an alternative work option to selling themselves. That is the problem, these ladies have no way of supporting themselves or their families; and because of the line of work they have been driven into, the culture says they should be rejected forever. The ministry is seeking to change that, and is changing that. You would never know the former lives these women had. Pray now that these women in particular would find spiritual freedom, the Truth we have in Christ.

Thank you for your prayers.

Oh the luxury of a washing machine...

Today is a day for wash. Though some in Kolkata have washing machines, we do not. That is ok. I am learning what is important and necessary to wash and getting strengthening in my arm muscles as I squish and beat the soapy dirty water out of my clothes :) One new experience found in Kolkata.

Today is a good day as I have it to study language and do some required reading, which could even be called pleasure reading, as well as journal some of what I am learning about ministry leadership. I only need to make it to language class this evening to practice writing and recognizing Bengali letters, right now I am learning the vowels.

I think I will journey to the coffee shop by metro to do my studies. What a joy coffee is and the inviting atmosphere coffee shops bring. We have a new friend arriving in Kolkata today who will join the ministry on full-time staff, I've heard great things about him. He will be journeying with us to language school in Bangladesh in just over a week. 5 hours of rigorous language study a day it will be, for about a month's time. This is exciting as I hope I will be better able to formulate conversations upon returning!

I have met some beautiful people since I arrived in Kolkata. People, some of whom are believers and some of whom are not, but simply have a life that they want to give in service to others. They see the need in this city and see how much they have been given. A non-believer I met last week is here serving in Kolkata, miles from home, a social development graduate--she wants to live unselfishly by serving those who are in need because she has spent so much of her life in selfishness, living for herself in whatever way that came. As a Christian hearing this, I was stunned. I have those thoughts often, of wanting to live unselfishly and wanting to give myself to those in need as I have been given SO much, but I have never acted on it; only thought. And this is what I am called to; to live for others, to consider others better than myself.

Your prayers are wonderful. Thank you for your love and encouragement as I continue in this grand adventure of growth

Post 2- Maybe I will come up with better titles as we go

India, India. Calcutta: I am here. It has been nearly a week and a half that I have been swimming around in this new culture. I think I have found a raft that I can float on for a little while, though I know it will only be a matter of time before I will topple off into the water again—it will happen when you enter a new culture.

Just so you know, culture shock is real. When God picks you up and removes you from your homeland, your life you have known the full 20 years of your life and pulls you into a totally new place nearly everything becomes a challenge. But what we must remember when we find ourselves in such circumstances is that although we are pulled into the new place with dragging feet, it is God who is the one who is holding our hand and leading us forward; He is the one pulling. What comfort, to know we are never alone, to know He is not just with but is the one leading. Just as some friends reminded me before I left the States, we are not called to be strong or smart, or to have it all figured out, but are called to follow. Peter walked on the water because he stepped out of the boat. And he was able to continue walking when his eyes were on Jesus. And how cool it is that when Peter looked around and became overwhelmed at what was actually happening and freaked out, Jesus immediately reached down to pull Peter out of the water in response to his cry for help.

And with the standard stress of leaving most of what is familiar in the U.S. creates every challenge to be much larger than it actually is, that is, the actual issue is maximized to a greater degree than what is should be.

Calcutta. Kolkata (proper). So much to say. A friend here described it best as a full course meal. Each meal has salad, rice, a meat dish, another side dish, vegetables, another pile of rice, dessert, and tea, maybe some water or drink as well. EVERY meal is a full course meal. But no one wants a full course meal at every meal time, sometimes we’re fine eating a salad. Or maybe we really just want dessert.

It is a bustling city: full of life. People, Food Vendors, Salesmen, Fruits, Rickshaws, Cars, Taxis, dogs, and a few cows cover the outdoors. I praise God that I get to have my own room in a large flat with 3 beautiful Christian ladies. What an excellent retreat from the busyness of the city.

This week I was privileged to serve at Shishu Bhavan, a home for handicapped children started by Mother Teresa/Missionaries of Charity. Each kid has different needs pertaining to the exercising of their muscles or senses. So we play, eat, and exercise. This was to get my feet wet for my time here in Kolkata. It was a place where I could serve and expend energy and I didn’t have to feel stressed because of much busyness around me. In those moments, it was really about the kids and meeting their needs. They didn’t speak as they were mentally handicapped, so language was not an issue for me. (Though I wonder if they were confused instead…me speaking only in English)

I have been to the business where Sari blankets and bags are produced and have gotten to help out there as well. Most of the women working there are former prostitutes who have left the trade to begin a new life for themselves through being employed at this business. The women work so hard on their products. Everything is handmade. They sit over their blankets nearly all day stitching; their products are beautiful. I was tired from chalking, cutting, and ironing material for a few hours a day… I will be spending much time among these ladies, working alongside them in production, and practicing my Bangla as I converse with them. So far I know my colors, and am learning the parts of the body; in addition to a few common words and phrases.

Please continue to pray for me as I live life here. Pray for my heart to be soft toward the culture when it becomes challenging and that I would look to God as my Stronghold, my Helper, and Protector. I can not say how encouraging it is that all of you are remembering me in prayer, thank you; you are amazing. Please send news by email, prayer requests, anything, let me know of life in the U.S.

It is wonderful to hear from you all of you who have dropped facebook lines or emails… thank you! I love it. Keep em comin’!

Hello to you all,

Car engines, honking, murmur of voices and the tune "God of Wonders" fill my ears as I sit here in our flat just a ways above the noises. From my time here I am finding that the majority of these sounds are unceasing during the daylight hours. Kolkata is full of life.

I have seen much of the city and am slowly, very slowly, becoming acquainted with it. Today a friend began to point out landmarks and routes that I will be taking frequently in moving about the city.

It has been very busy since I arrived a few nights ago, I am looking forward to the rest the weekend will bring. I now understand how tiring it can be entering a new culture.

Monday I will begin language class with a woman who lives just a short distance from us. Much of the language I do not know, but I am picking up some and connecting a few conversations.

I will be back soon to write more of life in Kolkata. We will eat an Indian meal at home tonight so we need to prepare some vegetables... thank you so much for your many prayers. please continue to pray for adjustment to Kolkata culture as I find it challenging. Pray for rest. Pray that my focus is on Christ and not on my self and that any fears/challenges which come my way are thrown down by the confidence that we find in Christ.

you are in my thoughts and prayers as well
much love